Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
True strength comes from lack of pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
