Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
