My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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