also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
People in love make me want to vomit
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
