Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
