instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
