Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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