My hand turned me down
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
