i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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