Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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