After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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