Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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