Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
