Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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