maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
