she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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