is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
