we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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