yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
