Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
pray to the hookup gods
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
