she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
