I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
