Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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