I want to have your abortion
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
