I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The power of my boobs compel you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
