So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
