i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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