Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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