The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
