Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
