I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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