Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my poor anus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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