nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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