Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
