the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
