i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
