Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
