apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
