Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
