i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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