how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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