I'm so fucking centered right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I love you. Go after that dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
