I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
