She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In America we eat man semen.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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