i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
