Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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