Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
