i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
