i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
