yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
