Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When are your genitals available?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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